[Caution]
To all you good boys and girls,
turn on the light in your room and sit up straight.
Be careful not to become an adult like this.
That's all.
[The mysterious space creature "Elizabeth": born September 7. 180 cm. 123 kg.]
[1st Annual Weird Cosmic Pet Grand Prix Hosted by well-known Tamosan.]
What time is it?
It should be soon.
He's late.
That darn Sakamoto better not stand us up...
Katsura! There!
Looks like he's here.
Sakamoto's not here?
He's wandering off like always.
He's one troublesome boss.
I see.
So, why did you call us out to a place like this?
It's about this.
It's a present from our boss. It's addressed to you, Katsura.
To me?
Th-This is...
["Pets Resemble Their Owners"]
You can't do this. You can't do your business here.
Your doo-doo is bigger than the size of furniture!
Dammit! This is why I hate walking you!
And after she said "I promise to take care of him!"
In the end, it's always the mom who winds up taking care of the dog!
What? Am I the mom now?
Hmph. You can't even train a pet? Sad.
If you can't even control just one pet, how do you intend to move an entire nation?
And you call yourself a samurai?
Zura! What's that, that...thing!
Gross!
It's not gross. It's Elizabeth.
Well, maybe it isn't so bad on its own, but paired with you...it's gross.
I guess that means you're gross.
That idiot Sakamoto dropped by my place the other day and left it behind.
He probably picked it up on some foreign planet.
Seems he's totally caught up with space travel.
Aren't you the guy who hates aliens?
How could I hate an innocent creature like this?
And besides...
She's kinda cute, don't you think?
Okay, let's go, Elizabeth. Shall we take our walk on the riverbank?
Zura... What the heck are you...
Hey! What the?! Stop that!
It's humongous! And stinks!
I told you to stop!
Good grief.
Oh, Katsura did that...?
He sure has his weird side.
Yeah, guess he's sort of mellowed.
Think he might take ours, too?
We don't need a roommate who doesn't contribute.
The only things he contributes is feces and pain!
That kind of talk is not nice to Sadaharu, nope nope.
Sadaharu! Go ahead and gnaw his skull down to the bone, yep.
Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! All right, I'm sorry.
Feces, pain, and urine!
Okay, Sadaharu, let him go.
It's not okay. He didn't add anything positive to that list!
Anyway, pets are just supposed to provide stress relief.
You shouldn't expect any other compensation from them.
We're looking for unusual pets for our show.
Huh?
[1st champion: Susumu]
Ever since our country opened up to the galaxy,
[2nd champion: Hiroyuki]
many different animals have arrived with the Amanto.
[3rd champion: Satoru]
Is there a strange pet living in your neighborhood?
We'll be crowning the strangest and cutest pet in Japan on our show!
The winner will receive a fabulous prize...
Stress relief...or fabulous prizes...which would you rather have?
One week?!
For sure.
If you'll wait one week, I'll pay you the money gift-wrapped, so don't worry.
I feel like an oil tycoon! I can have all the pickled seaweed I want!
For an oil tycoon, you've got small ambitions...
You sure seem confident. Do you have something in mind?
I do.
Unusual for him!
Sort of...
I'm getting the feeling it's something fishy...
Otose! You mustn't trust what these guys say!
It's all just talk! All B.S.!
Hey, you, why're you back here looking as though nothing happened?
If I'm not mistaken, you're in jail right now!
Catherine was just recently released.
She had nowhere else to go, so she came back here.
You sure are an eccentric, old lady...
hiring this thief who ran off with your shop's money...
Are you trying to reform her or something?
Nothing like that. I just needed the help.
Well, that's fine with me.
I'm warning you, don't touch my stuff, you cat-eared alien!
Don't talk big when you don't even have anything worth stealing, you girly alien!
Watch it, you alien hag!
I'll stuff a live fish into your mailbox one day!
I dare you to go without eating, you alien glutton!
Good one.
Well, you've all had the chance to meet Catherine...
One week. If you don't pay me by then,
you know what'll happen, don't you?
Okay, Elizabeth, shall we go to the park today?
Well then, let's go.
Come on, bring it!
Whenever you're ready!
Okay, Sadaharu, do your best.
Okay, go! Sadaharu!
Sadaharu! Your paw!
Sadaharu! Now the other one!
Sadaharu! Sit!
Okay, we can do this! He's gotten much better!
Uh, could you tell him to be a bit more gentle?
What he means is, we're risking our lives for every basic trick.
What're you doing?
Oh, it's you, Zura...
It's not Zura, it's Katsura.
But more importantly, I want to know what you're doing.
Can't you see? We're teaching Sadaharu tricks.
Oh, is that so?
Which means you took my advice and had a change of heart?
Don't be an idiot! Who'd have a change of heart just because of what you said?!
Sadaharu's going to be on TV.
TV?
That's why we're doing special training.
Not that it's of any interest to a wanted man like you, right?
Okay, next is sitting up! Sadaharu!
...TV.
[1st Annual Weird Cosmic Pet Grand Prix]
No pet contestant is too strange!
The stranger, the more original.
1st Annual Weird Cosmic Pet Grand Prix!
I'm Ho-ome!
Welcome back.
How did it go, Otose?
Not good. They ran off again.
They run away every time I go to collect the rent.
If I ever catch 'em, I'll beat the living daylights outta 'em.
Nothing you say is going to work with people like that.
One rotten apple spoils the batch.
The best thing is to chase them out before they ruin everything.
Isn't that talking too big for someone who was just released from jail?
That was that. This is this.
You sure have nerve.
Otose! Otose! Look at that!
Quiet! Do you want to get thrown back into the slammer?! Do you?!
Look. Look at the TV!
Welcome from Kabukicho, Shinjuku, space creature Sadaharu and his owners, the Sakata family.
Sakata family?! What the hell are those morons up to now?!
Their way of paying the rent...this is what they were talking about.
The team that gets past the preliminary round will earn the right to face our previous champion...
the Mask du Meow family and their pet, Miss Garter Belt!
Good luck!
Bring it on!
I can't believe we're actually doing this.
We're playing to win. So psych yourself up!
Uh, is that Sadaharu clamped onto Sakata? Are you all right?
I'm fine. Sadaharu is a bright pup. This is his playful bite.
But you're bleeding...
Gin, the judges are getting worried.
Stop the bleeding! Stop it!
Stop Sadaharu, Kagura!
He won't listen to anybody but you, Kagura.
Right.
Sadaharu! Stop! No snacks for you tonight!
Are you ignoring me, too?!
Come on! Pull yourselves together. We can't get to the finals like this!
That so? The judges can't take their eyes off of me.
Of course they can't take their eyes off of you. Look in the mirror!
You're both stiff. Use the entire stage!
Move your bodies more!
You're the one who looks like a robot!
It would seem the owners are more unusual than their pet.
Let's cut to commercial.
All right! Let's welcome our next team.
Our next unusual pet is...
space creature Elizabeth, and her owner, Space Captain Katsura!
What's he up to?
A wanted man is disguising himself to get on TV.
He seems to really love his pet.
He likes his pet, but he's also in love with that costume.
Katsura, what exactly is a Space Captain?
A captain in space.
You'll be facing Sadaharu over there. The winner advances to the finals.
How confident are you?
That's nothing but a huge dog.
My dog Taro back home is about that size.
What's that, Zura?!
Stuff like that monster penguin of yours comes out of the faucet when I turn on the spigot at home!
Too obvious! Stop making up such transparent lies!
It's time to appeal to our judges!
Come on and give it up.
It's time for the first round.
Show our judges your pet's most attractive features!
As we always mention, our judges assign scores according to their own arbitrary judgment.
All right, let's begin with the Sakata family. This is your time to shine. Go!
Okay! Let's show them the results of your special training!
Damn right you will.
We can't let this past week of bloody effort go to waste.
Spraying blood around isn't really work, though.
Are you ready, Gin? Shinpachi?
Ready, Sadaharu?
This will work. Trust in yourself.
Mom believes in you, son.
Who are you talking to?
Okay, Sadaharu! Go!
Sadaharu! Your paw!
Now the other one!
The final trick! Sit!
Okay! Perfect!
Hmph. It's no different than the last time!
As if force and blood are all it takes to call something a trick.
My Elizabeth doesn't do such lowly tricks.
Now, it's Elizabeth's time to appeal to our judges.
Go ahead!
Watch this!
Paper and brushes?! What is she going to do?!
Yes...
Show them, Elizabeth!
Oh! Elizabeth's drawing like crazy all of a sudden!
Wh-What's that...?
It's a wonderful painting!
It's as though a human painted it!
Hey, announcer, what kind of way is that to describe it?!
That's being rude to Elizabeth.
Uh... Forgive me.
Hmph. I could paint better than that!
No, that's not the point.
It's all right. We win on impact. Don't worry.
We only won on quantity of blood.
This is fine work...
I think this will achieve quite a high score.
All right, judges, let's see your scores.
My! We've got quite a point spread from the very start!
Will it be possible to turn the tables?!
That's what I'd like to know.
Hmph. The match is over.
We'll now move on to round two.
I will toss this fried chicken bone. The first pet that fetches this bone back to its master will be the winner.
Feel free to yell commands at your pet. If you win this event, you will receive 30,000 points.
Put your heart and soul into this challenge!
Hey, announcer. Then what was the purpose of the first round?
Well, as a show, we needed to build the excitement...
You don't need to do that! Change the rules right now!
Hey Zura. Don't argue with the producers!
If you've got a problem with it, go on home!
What?!
Now, now.
Anyhow, this will determine the winner.
Both of you, good luck.
Why don't we just skip the boring contest and duke it out like men?
I was hoping you'd say that!
No, this isn't your fight! Cut it out, damn you!
Hey, maybe we can win this, after all!
Elizabeth looks pretty slow on her feet, doesn't she, Kagura?
[Shinpachi, say something funny.]
Why don't you go home?
Okay, here we go!
Ready...
Get set...
Go!
What do we have here?!
Idiot! The other way!
Sadaharu ran the wrong way, and is chasing after his owner!
Stop! It's the other way, I'm telling you!
Uh-oh! Sakata charged into the judges' table!
Stop that! Don't destroy the set!
As for Elizabeth...
What speed!
Elizabeth looked to be at a disadvantage, but she's running at awesome speed!
Huh? Are my eyes playing tricks on me?!
For an instant, I saw what looked like an old man's leg.
There it is again! Hey, old man!
Enough with your false accusations!
Elizabeth trained hard just for today.
Don't call her an old man or things like that!
Uh... Sorry.
Gin!
If you're going to run away, run away toward the bone!
Kagura! Call Sadaharu back!
[I'm feeling a bit hungry.]
Who're you talking to...?
Don't come this way! Stop, you stupid dog!
Look out!
Out of the way!
I'm not moving. As Annual Weird Cosmic Pet Grand Prix champion and its owner...
I can't run from here! I'll take you on!
Miss Garter Belt! Execute Plan C!
Oh! Our champion is defeated so easily!
How will we hold our finals?
Sadaharu bites Sakata!
Just what on earth is your relationship, anyway?!
Gin! What'll we do? We're about to lose!
Sadaharu, move!
Oh look, look. Want this?
Come one, come on, put me down, you damn brat!
Go!
Go?!
It appears Sakata is using himself as bait
to lure Sadaharu!
Sadaharu is charging like a rhino! But Elizabeth has nearly reached the bone.
No fabulous prize for you.
Let go of Elizabeth!
The fabulous prize belongs to me and Elizabeth.
After all is said and done, you love your master, don't you?
But if you bite any harder,
I'll snap your master's neck.
What are you gonna do?
He's not gonna do anything! He doesn't understand you!
You bastards! You changed the format of the contest!
Please, if you don't follow the rules, we can't broadcast this!
Who cares about your broadcast!
Oh, the hell with it.
I'm pooped.
I'm going home. Can you just get off me?
What's going on?!
That can't be. Elizabe...
[One moment please]
What the hell was that?!
What happened to Elizabeth?!
Hey! Elizabeth!
[Preview]
Until just a while ago, I was headed straight on the path to success,
but after I did that thing on a whim, I lost everything.
The next episode:
"If You Stop and Think About It, Your Life's a Lot Longer as an Old Guy than a Kid! Whoa, Scary!!"
All I have now are my sunglasses.
[Taizo Hasegawa, age 38, unemployed. Formerly a ranking Shogunate official.]
[Currently looking for employment throwing away his pride. But, he can't throw away his shades.]
[What are you jerks looking at?]